revmusings

Who am I?

I have just started reading the Cellist from Sarajevo on holiday and one idea has set me thinking.

Arrow is a sniper and she reflects at one point about her name, assumed as she began her task of killing soldiers - she adopted it so that once the war was over she could revert back to who she once was and leave 'Arrow' behind. It is, of course, debatable whether that is possible but it set me thinking about my identity as a minister - is it  role I put on? I watch my fellow ministers in other denominations, and a few in mine, donning clerical collars, suits and robes. Like putting on a uniform - does it help transform us from ordinary 'me' into being a minister? Is it a protective barrier that sheilds us from others, a defensive wall from the slings and arrows of church life?

I have never worn or possessed any such clerical gear - why not? Not sure...am I denying this role - yes, sometimes, I still can't quite believe its my role now, that God can use me, I don't live up to this high calling so much of the time so better no signs about who i really am and want to be anonymous.

Is it because I believe that my ordiantion was a scarament and thus it is now who I am - all the time - putting clothes on don't change that - I am a minister whatever I am wearing, wherever I am and whatever I am doing - I can't put it on and off with a dog collar?

There are times when it would be easier not to have to explain as I go into hospitals out of hours  I try not to), as I disappear in a funeral crowd because I am short. I probbaly miss some converestaions but gain others - especially the shock value as people realise that this 'real' person they have got to know is a minister.

What do you think?